Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Last Entry
This is the last post I will write in this greymatter version of my weblog. The new wordpress version can be found at http://www.lunisea.com/blather. Links pointing to archive entries from this version of the blog are still active.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Rubber Ducky, You're the One
Talk about instant gratification! Cool Joe Sunglasses Rubber Ducky has been sitting on my monitor for years now just waiting for his 15 minutes of web fame. Wish I had a cool tub we could go play in. |
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Haircut 100
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This is what was left on the salon floor after I got my hair cut last night. Before - Down to my shoulder blades After - Just right on my shoulders
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Waste of Bandwidth
Why?
Monday, July 18, 2005
Beige Boy Speaks
A co-worker heard me telling my supervisor that the new digital camera had arrived and began quizzing me about it."What project is the camera for?"
I looked up from my work quizzically, thinking, "Who needs a project in mind to get a new camera?"
I shook my head, "Nothing specific."
"Oh, is it one of those where you take the memory chip to a photo store and they print your pictures for you?"
Still trying to figure out what he's going on about, I shake my head and say, "I have my own printer."
"That's so expensive."
"Not really."
"In the long run, it's cheaper to just go to one of those places and have them do it for you."
What is he going on about now? I wonder.
"I don't print that many pictures."
Just then the phone rings, distracting me from this oh so important conversation. But he has the last word, "Oh, it's for the web then?"
Uhm ... yeah, go back to what you were doing before you tried to start this conversation.
The New Camera
It's here, it's here, it's here! And what really sucks is that I am too darned tired to plug the newly charged battery right in and try all 403 settings and see how close 10x really is. GIR opened it oh so gingerly this morning so he could get the battery charging for me but he left the rest of the packaging for me. I think I may take it to work tomorrow and go to Shoreline and play with it at lunch time. That is, if I'm through being frazzled with everyone and everything at work. I mean, how many times does one have to say, "I DID double check" before someone starts to believe me? (oh, wait that's right, they believe me when they look for the missing stuff and can't find it either)
Best Books Literary Meme
I was tagged by Wandering Willow in email, and just 'cause she's curious and was nice enough to send email inviting me to play, here it is: 1. TOTAL NUMBER OF BOOKS I’VE OWNED: Current library - 1,187+ Over the years? Let's just say that I once offered up my library as seed for a used book store a friend and I once thought about starting.
I thin the herd every once in a while and tried to put myself on a "diet." You know, for every new book I want to buy I have to get rid of at least two (and by get rid of I meant get them permanently out of the house). Yeah, that lasted about 30 seconds.
My tastes run the gamut. History (duh, I'm a history major), women, mystery, science fiction/fantasy, religion, mind candy ...
2. LAST BOOK I BOUGHT: Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn & Run, Bambi, Run by Kris Radish (I also bought a copy of The Elegant Gathering of White Snows for SisterN because it's such a wonderful book and I want her to have a copy.)
Buddha, Islam a Short History & Muhammad: A Biography of the Prophet by Karen Armstrong
3. LAST BOOK I COMPLETED: Leap of Faith by Queen Noor & The Elegant Gathering of White Snows
4. FIVE BOOKS THAT MEAN A LOT TO ME:
Geez .... that's a tough one
Book 1. Hitler's Death Camps - The Sanity of Madness by Dr. Konnilyn Feig. Dr. Feig teaches at the Community College I just left and was my Western Civ professor for three quarters. This book is amazing and really opened my eyes to a lot of what was going on in the Death Camps during World War II. This was her life's work for almost 20 years, now she is onto an even bigger project, that of global abuse.
Book 2. Leap of Faith by Queen Noor. This book goes a long way toward explaining one part of the Middle Eastern puzzle. A lot of lightbulbs went off when I read it. Plus Queen Noor is just an amazing woman.
Book 3. The Autobiography of Malcolm X by Alex Haley. I read this just this past January for a class and was deeply moved by Malcolm's story and found myself repeating, "It's too bad he was killed just as he was beginning to accept everyone as brothers and sisters and had accepted the true roots of Islam."
Book 4. Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser. Scarey but important. This one broke my fast food habit immediately.
Book 5. Raising Blaze - Bringing Up an Extraordinary Son in an Ordinary World by Debra Ginsberg. I adore children and often wonder what goes on in their little minds. Being Auntie SEA to 6 neices and 1 nephew is a job I love but I'm always looking for ways to better understand kids and be a better grownup for them. Having read Waiting, the True Confessions of a Waitress, I knew I had to read this one. I'm glad I did because I was then able to recommend it recently to the GIR's SO who has two sons that are autistic. Being able to touch someone's life like that is incredible.
5.WHAT I AM CURRENTLY READING: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling. Hey, at least I waited until this afternoon to start it!
Sunday, July 17, 2005
On Reading and Mr. Potter
The first book I read this weekend was not the new Harry Potter book, which arrived yesterday morning around 10AM. It was delivered by an already frazzled postman who had both the book and a "pick-up notice" in his hands. The postal service was not allowed to just leave the books if no one was at home to take personal delivery, so he had all his notices ready just in case.A co-worker had been giving me a hard time about Harry Potter. He somehow decided that an off-hand remark about it being Harry Potter weekend meant I was really "into" Harry Potter. He started Friday off by asking at 8AM if I had gotten my book yet and looked rather puzzled when I asked how would I know since I had been at work at 7AM. "Well, you know, you're really into it and I figured you might have had a special deal or something." Well, you know ... no.
Yes, I pre-ordered like the rest of the Harry Potter world that wasn't standing outside some bookstore on Friday night in order to buy the book when it went on sale at midnight on Saturday morning. And I figured the book would arrive on the day of release, just as the last one did. This co-worker just kept niggling at me with his stupid assumptions which I ignored most of the day, because really, what's the point? Toward the end of the day he asked something about when did I think I would get it and I simply shrugged my shoulders and said, "I dunno. When it gets there, it gets there. I'm not in that big a hurry." I could feel the power of the lightbulb going on over his head at my desk. Finally he gets that I'm a fan, not a fanatic. (And yes, all you pedantic people out there, I am aware that fan has its roots in fanatic.)
What I did read on Saturday was a most marvelous book called The Elegant Gathering of White Snows by Kris Radish. GIR's SO gave it to me at my grad party. When she told me it was about 8 women and had been an Oprah book, I tried not to wrinkle my nose in distaste. Usually when someone tells me a book about women, it's some sentimental garbage about how he done her wrong and how she wallows in that for most of the book until someone or something sweeps in and rescues her. I can't stand those books.
The last Oprah book I read was The Pilot's Wife and within about 20 pages, I had it figured out and wanted to throw it out the window. We were trying to start a book club at work so I stuck with it, but I didn't enjoy it. My manager at the time kept telling me that I didn't really know what was going to happen, there was a twist and wouldn't believe me at the end of the book when I told him that while I had not figured out the specifics, I can smell a cheating husband a mile away. The book was tripe. Not a good recommendation to read any other Oprah book.
But this book, this was different. It was empowering. It is about 8 women walking ... but it's 8 women walking in order to do something positive in their lives, to regain themselves and get themselves pointed in the right direction again. One character is clinically depressed and the chapter about her life made me weep, right in St. John's just after I had finished my Saturday burger. I dabbed my eyes and kept reading, the book was so powerful and so enriching and cleansing in a way. It's one of those books that makes me want to crawl inside and be with those characters. Few books move me that way.
Thank you M. for giving me this book and taking a chance on believing I would love it as much as you did.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
I'll Be There!
 | I first wrote about blogher in April, now it's a mere two weeks away! I got my live blogging session assignments a couple of days ago and am absolutely looking forward to this great day. It seems that I'm finally coming out of what the GIR calls my "final-induced stupor", not to mention the "heat-induced" and "stress-filled, last-minute overtime work-induced" stupors. So I'm figuring out what I need, logistically, to participate in this event. Elisa and the other organizers have been superb in pointing me in the right direction so I can be of service. It should prove to a great growth experience. I hope I'll see you there. |
Monday, July 11, 2005
I Read the Book
At 46, I have come to terms with how much of a goof and an oddball I am. Most of the time I can revel in it, or at the very least embrace it. I walk to the beat of a different drum, sometimes it's taiko and sometimes it's speed metal, but that drum is all mine, baby.But 30 years ago I didn't get it. I didn't know I was outstanding in many ways and it was okay to be the oddball. One of the oddities that made me stand out was always having my nose buried in a book. I got in so much trouble, especially in math class because I would rather read than just about anything else in the world. I got conked in the head with a volleyball during gym class because I was sitting on the sidelines reading the hardback copy of "Airport." Why I remember what book I was reading then and that I'm willing to admit what it was is beyond me.
When people asked if I had seen some movie, my response was almost always, "No, but I read the book." I didn't understand the odd looks. As I grew older, I often heard, "No, but I saw the movie" in response to the question, "Have you read this book?"
It wasn't until a few days ago that the full-fledged irony of this struck me. Over dinner SisterR and I were comparing Netflix deliveries and I mentioned that I had just received "Hearts in Atlantis." She said that she had read it was a pretty good movie and without even thinking about it, I said, "I just loved the book."
On the way home, I started laughing. Some things just never change.
Is it here yet?
Heard from inside the GIR's computer, as I whine, "Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Whatdoyamean I gotta wait for the 18th to take delivery?"Listen UPS, I Want My Digital Camera NOW, Right This Very Instant. I want to walk out the door tomorrow morning and trip over a box from New York City that has my name on it and a digital camera inside.
Hello?
Is this thing on?
I don't think there's anyone back there.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Crying
It's Sunday afternoon and hot. Well, those I talk to on the phone every day at work who live where the temp soars above the 90's would think 78 was heaven. But I think it's too warm, on the hairy edge of uncomfortable.And I'm exhausted. The kind of exhaustion that comes from working 12 hour days at a fast-paced job where people's needs are immediate and what we do is important to the health of women with heavy menstrual bleeding or breast cancer.
I had a talk with my manager about the OT, the last minute "I need you to stay" pleas that keep me from being able to plan my own life and take care of my own business. Friday was my 46th birthday and no one could guarantee I would get out in time to have dinner with SisterR. Fortunately, I did but it was touch and go and we had to play it by ear right up until the last minute.
I'm still a temp and I have applied for the job but I need to be able to count on some things, especially since classes start again at the end of next month. I shouldn't have to not schedule things, like PT, because I don't know what's going on at work. Manager Man agreed that the OT we are working is ridiculous and things have been difficult and he is trying to work with the other groups involved so we don't have to stay so late. No one warned me that quarter end would be as maniacal as it was and we knew making the transition to the 2nd product line would be chaotic but it just seems non-stop.
But that's not all that's going on. There's emotional roiling, as usual. Trying to deal with emotional detritus from graduation, the results of my Algebra class and finding the time and energy to do the projects that need to be done before August 22.
Then today came something that made my sexual abuse scar itch and burn, and email from an acquaintance who has two autistic boys about a school bus driver who "forgot" he had two four-year-olds with special needs on his bus and left them alone while he stopped at his home to go to the bathroom and then got "distracted" by a phone call. How does that happen?
7/7 and the bombings in London break my heart. We live in a world that is so mixed up and terrifying, and we all look for the glimmer of hope that something is going to go right for all of us. I'm frustrated and exhausted and feel like sitting down and sobbing. I need a dandelion break.
Mixed Emotions
I get mad at one of my favourite blogs because it feels so cliquish and I feel so outside looking in. I don't get invited to play, only to sit on the sidelines and read. I get jealous at those who are invited to play and who are on the inside. I promise myself every time I have a few spare moments that I will NOT read this blog because I don't like the way I feel. I'm middle-aged now, aren't we supposed to be over and through crap like this now? Didn't I leave high school almost 30 years ago? But, I go and I read and some days I get angry because it is so darned cliquish and then, I read a story that touches me. About how the author connected in a way with someone that is inspiring. And then I get confused and still upset. I mean, it still feels cliquish and I'm still on the outside looking in, waiting for the cool kids to notice me and invite me in and I don't like that feeling. But the writing can be so good and inspiring and makes me want to work harder on my own writing. So I sit here, trying to sort through what I want. The stacks of emotional to-dos are almost as high as the stacks of stuff surrounding my desk and computer.Someone very recently said, "There are spaces opening in your setting of friends." I paraphrased because, of course, just as I started to write that thought I couldn't remember the exact words my friend had used. But she is right, there's plenty of space for new confreres, room to grow and share and love. But looking at the empty spaces hurts more than just a little sometimes.
Never one to make friends easily, it's hard to watch them go, for whatever reason. Even when the choice is mine, it's still hard. Which explains why I am so conflicted over my favourite blog. Why can't things be easier?
