And it’s Only Wednesday
| Published on 14 May 2008 at 9:43 pm.
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Filed under Workin' for Tuition. |
This has been such a drama filled week, I just want to stay home and sleep.
A lineup change is occurring in the band and it has been dramatic and traumatic and I’m super glad that I wasn’t witness to the incident that led to it. I needed to hear because it does affect what I do for the band. Let’s just say that drinking on the job, pitching a tantrum during work, calling a co-worker names and issuing an ultimatum just isn’t good behaviour. Neither is using your instrument as a weapon. Way to burn your bridges.
I have a big presentation tomorrow to my boss’ (bosses’ ?) boss and I’m nervous. It’s a status update “Here’s what I’ve been doing for six weeks” / “look to the future” kind of thing. The reason I’m so nervous is that it’s for someone I don’t have any experience with but who is important in the firm and it is supposed to plant the seed that I should be around for ongoing maintenance and problem-solving with the contact management software when it goes live.
Tempers were high yesterday and this morning and I’m just not sure why. I’m grateful I’m in an environment in which I can push back without fear of losing my job. I can give as good as I get. Boss Man has made me pretty fearless in that respect. Mind you, I don’t lose my mind and say any old thing, I am aware of decorum but if I feel like I’m being bullied, I’m in a space where I can say so. But I was near tears this morning after a heated discussion based on a game of telephone that found me as the source.
Yes, I told a friendly person about the presentation but no, I did not tell her it was an interview. I know it’s not an interview. The person apologized for saying the wrong thing when I explained why interview was a bad choice of words. I felt like I was getting pounded for something that was simply a misunderstanding and each time I tried to explain it, things got out of hand. Finally I did the thing women get bashed for all the time, saying the “F”-word.
I stood up, walked to the door, opened it, looked back and said, “Fine. I get it. I’m going back to work now.” I said “Fine” with all the finality that a severely pissed off and hurt woman can muster. And then I sat at my desk and sulked for a few hours. Then I had a nice lunch and read my mind candy. By the time that was over, I felt better. Still nervous, but better.
I am glad that I insisted on a run-through, I do not want to go into this cold. So, we met later in the afternoon, I apologized for being so snappy earlier, “but I felt I just wasn’t being heard.” He shrugged it off which, as with most of the men in my life, is the closest to an apology I am going to get. We went through my notes, I made notations and then we talked more about how to present myself and some things to say that might plant the seed of future thinking.
I will work on my cheat sheet tomorrow morning and we will have another run-through. Boss Man even suggested that I go into one of the smaller conference rooms and talk to myself for a bit just to smooth out the rough edges. The friendly receptionist has loaned an angel pin to me to wear for “luck.” I don’t expect to be offered an job or an extension on the spot, all I can hope for, in the short term, is a good reception to what I have presented. Long term is a completely different story.
Finals, Finally
| Published on 11 May 2008 at 12:46 pm.
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Filed under Books, College. |
It’s over! I slid my paper in minutes before the deadline and I’m now done until August. There’s nothing I can do about my grades now and so I am practicing not worrying about them. They will be what they will be. The first summer in three years that I’ve not had something dramatic happening. This will be exciting, but not too I hope. Maybe I can finally finish moving in, get my photo website up, take more pictures, sleep more, watch more movies and other stuff that hasn’t quite occurred to me yet. I have no immediate plans other than to nap and watch DVD’s, after I go to the grocery store. *grump* to the grocery store.
Oh, my paper was 9 pages comparing the effect that cross-dressing had on Silence, a character in the 12th-century French romantic poem Silence and Joan of Arc. Followed by two pages of annotated bibliography.
I loved the stuff about Joan of Arc and she is on my list of people to learn more about. The gender-bending poem Silence is fun to talk about but was a slog to read. There are at least three books from this class that didn’t get used, which upsets me greatly because that’s just money wasted. I wondered when the reading list came out if twelve books was just a bit ambitious. I may try to read some of them over the summer, just to see. Otherwise they will go in the out of the house box.
For now my reading plans tend toward John Grisham and Laurell K. Hamilton just to get the academics out.
Closer and Closer
| Published on 9 May 2008 at 11:30 pm.
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Filed under College. |
Sunday I have big plans. Really big plans. Plans to become really good friends with my new bed. There may be a marathon of some sort on the DVD player, but mostly it’s me sleeping in the bed.
I am now officially just one paper away from being done for the semester. It’s about halfway written and is due tomorrow night by 10. I feel pretty good about the whole thing, finally. There was a bunch of “in-class” work I didn’t get done and I hope that won’t count too harshly against my final grade. One woman I work with works full-time, goes to school full-time and has a family to look after. I don’t know how she does it because I am just beat all the time. I can only imagine how she must feel.
So off now to write more about Joan of Arc and her clothes.
History Does Repeat Itself
| Published on 8 May 2008 at 9:16 pm.
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Filed under College. |
Another end of the semester, another two days to get a paper written, another semester during which I’ve felt like I’m too burned out to do any good, another semester when I felt like packing it in a couple of months ago. Sound familiar?
I found this going through the archives from a year ago:
As the semester has worn on and I am staring at the hard deadline of tomorrow (12 May) for a revision paper I have completely lost my focus. I’ve missed a lot of work this semester trying to get a grip on all my assignments and figure out what is required of me. It hasn’t worked. Mostly I’m exhausted, frustrated and have been ready to just pack it in for a couple of months now.
And yet, I got good grades from those classes and managed to make it through without too much harm. I was working then, and taking time off to try to get it “together.” I did get through.
Overdid it
| Published on 3 May 2008 at 1:12 pm.
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Filed under Health, Life in General. |
Last night I want to the playoff game with Matt. It was completely last minute, and the game was very tense and exciting. But I think I overdid the stairs or something because my right leg is in a lot of pain today. Was it worth it? IDK. (Hee, hee been waiting for a long time to use that since I swiped it from my nieces.) I’m not sorry I went because watching the Sharks come from behind to tie and then win in 1 min and 5 sec of overtime was nerve wracking but very exciting. And I always enjoy my time with Matt.
Muggles
| Published on 3 May 2008 at 11:54 am.
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Filed under Just 'Cause, Books. |
From William Howland Kenney’s Chicago Jazz: muggles was an early slang term for marijuana. (139). Gives a completely new interpretation to the muggles in Harry Potter’s world doesn’t it?
Unexpected Pleasures
| Published on 27 Apr 2008 at 10:47 am.
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Filed under Just 'Cause. |
I have become addicted to icanhascheezburger.com. Some of the pictures and captions have me laughing until I cry. And then I found this one and my heart swelled:
Because anyone that can put a cat and a watermelon in a picture and use a Greek mythology reference is more than all right with me.
Pithy Sayings
| Published on 26 Apr 2008 at 7:56 pm.
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Filed under Just 'Cause. |
I made all of these up:
- Saying isn’t doing
- Calories don’t determine character
- Just because you meant no harm doesn’t mean you didn’t do any
It Has Arrived!
| Published on 26 Apr 2008 at 1:37 pm.
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Filed under Life in General. |
There’s nothing like a major purchase to make feel like a grown up. And today’s delivery is even more exciting than the delivery of my refrigerator last summer. The new bed has arrived and is already made up. Just sitting on it feels great. I’m sure sleeping in it will be wonderful. I probably need to lock the wheels though or it might turn into a carnival ride. Yay!
In My Day, It Was Called Rule #8
| Published on 26 Apr 2008 at 1:08 am.
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Filed under Life in General, Advocacy. |
This and the comments here are one of the reasons I had to stop going to science fiction conventions.
The very thought that it’s okay to even try to create a space where asking to touch a woman’s breasts is okay creeps me out. Women were willing participants, so were men. They all had their little buttons that said it was okay to ask, or not. The point that seems to get missed is that while it is admirable to want to make things less mysterious and help each other be okay with their bodies and their sexuality, it gets out of control really quickly and when you mix in socially stunted people it just turns weird and creepy.
There have been a lot of good comments about why this was such a bad idea and while the initial intent may have been “honourable,” the potential for it to run amok was too high. The cons I attended years and years ago had this sort of behaviour too and the same arguments were made for and against then as well. And the for argument always revolved around striking a blow for healthier body issues or demystifying sex (or whatever) which almost always devolved into the belief that if, for some insane reason, you had chosen not to participate there was something wrong with you. You were downright prudish and not a true “fan.”
But see, implying that someone is prudish for not wanting to play in your little social experiment causes almost as much damage as the pressure, intended or not, someone might feel to participate. If you want to touch each other’s breasts, go for it, in the privacy of your own private room. And do not think that telling me I can opt out, even after I have opted in, makes me feel like I’m not being pressured to participate. You may think you are only trying to live up to the standards for behaviour set by Robert Heinlein and Spider Robinson but here’s something you forgot, they write (wrote) fiction! They made up an idealized world that had no relation to the non-fictional real world we all live in which is messy and difficult.
In my con-going days, there was a “movement” afoot called, “I Break Rule 8.” This was in reaction to the written code of conduct published by a long-forgotten convention ruling body that basically said, “No public displays of affection, which can include hugging.” Both sides were well-intentioned. The ruling body was trying to codify something that shouldn’t have to be codified when dealing with people who understand boundaries and the necessity for them.
Not all con-goers are socially inept but a number of them are and they do not understand the concept of inappropriate touching because all the computer games and all the books they’ve read have touted this concept of a life unburdened with personal boundaries where everyone is okay with being touched by people they don’t know. The Rule 8 crowd thought they were being clever by thumbing their noses at the ruling body, but their reaction became overblown too.
And in the context of a convention which attracts people who are socially inept, many attendees are not emotionally healthy enough to understand they do not have to go with the herd and that some things are just not emotionally healthy. Part of going to a con is what’s called freaking out the “mundanes,” or people who are not science fiction/fantasy/anime/whathaveyou fans. Outlandish behaviour prevails in this mode, and it gets more outrageous from day to day and con to con. It’s considered de rigueur to see how outrageous one can be simply to get reactions from Mr. and Mrs. Smith and all the little Smiths from Kansas who just checked in for the weekend to go to Aunt Maisie’s 50th birthday party. Fans love to get the Smiths all freaked out and saying things like, “Oh dear lord, did you see that couple? He was all dressed in leather chaps and she was wearing a bikini and letting him lead her around on a leash! These people are just freaks I tell you.” At which point, said couple will stop and begin to kiss each other deeply with tongue and then she will get on all fours and continue to follow him on her leash. When they get around the corner, they will laugh hysterically.
The reason I mention the mundanes is because I am one of those oddities; too mundane for the fans and too freaky for the mundanes. But thank goodness for the Rule 8 crowd, they did more to help me understand that I was not as socially inept as I thought, that it was okay to be told I was a prude (which is just another version of, “You need to lighten up!”), and I could choose to not participate in whatever social experiment was happening at the time. After a few years, it just got to be more trouble than it was worth. The reason I went to cons was to hang out with friends, and I started to realize that I didn’t need a convention to hang out with my friends. And by that time that realization sank in, I also realized that I had begun to change the group of people I hung out with.
I like the world I live in now. It’s one where nobody tries to hug me and convince me that hugging everyone I encounter is striking a blow for equality and sticking it to the “man.” Plus I get to read whatever the heck I want and don’t get judged because I think both Heinlein and Robinson are hacks.
