Journey with Cancer

Stephanie here:
So far, she has a room all to herself. They are trying to keep it that way so Craig can spend the night in the other bed and be with Shauna. He is just super duper.

Shauna’s all right. Her white cell count is low and so she isn’t fighting off any infections. She has IV’s going to rehydrate her and give her antibiotics. This is frustrating, to be so helpless and not have the energy necessary to take care of the family business. We talked and I held her hand. Craig and Katie were there when I left and Amber was on her way up.

Food is still a big issue. Shauna says everything tastes like metal to her. She was able to eat about half the small container of KFC mashed potatoes and gravy I took her and a few nibbles of whatever roast beast the hospital served for dinner. Amber was taking up some of the potato soup Shauna likes so much when our paths crossed in the lobby.

Please visit if you can, she’ll be in for a few more days.

Stephanie here:
Shauna has been admitted to the hospital with an infection, Craig took her in last night. She’s at Kaiser Santa Teresa, Room 342, Bed 1. She’d love guests. She cannot have fresh flowers or fresh fruit. Call the switchboard at (408) 972-3000. Visiting hours are 8AM to 8PM. Plan to wear a mask when visiting. Driving directions and maps.

This is basically a common cold run amok and, while frightening, is not uncommon for chemo patients. Shauna’s white cell count is too low to fight off any infection right now. She is on all sorts of IV’s and antibiotic cocktails.

I have some mobility issues because of the neuopathy in the feet and hands but at least one issue has been solved. I got my Durango back from the body shop. At least if I feel up to it I can drive myself to the store or something. And with the SUV I can bring a wheelchair with me and use it in the stores. Not that I plan on going very many places, but its nice to know that I CAN. Having only one working car, which Craig needed, was a pain.

I need to find the pink slip to that old Chevy and just pick a donation agency at random and get rid of it. Bad tranny, bad Ujoints and now the ignition gets stuck in the off position. We just gotta say buh bye to this thing.

I went to the ER last night for the first time since getting cancer. I know that not everyone wants gory details so lets just say it was severe abdominal pain because of a ‘plumbing’ blockage caused by the chemo meds. I was not able to deal with it by over the counter or dietary methods. It got serious and I have come to realise that things that were easily taken care of at home now require professional medical care. I am in a weakened state and need to let the pros handle it. There were a lot of people in the waiting room It took over a hour to get brought back to a room. Craig and I were there from 7:30 pm until 2:30 am. At least I went prepared. Craig had a book to read and I had my slippers, my little bootie socks that I use to keep my hands warm, a big warm blanket, and a bottle of water. Prepared for a long siege. The folks were very kind and the problem was solved for now, but it’s not likely to be my last visit to the ER during my cancer fight.

I did it. I filled out the paperwork for state disibility. I am no longer employed. For the first time since I was 16 years old I am not part of the work force. It is an emotional change. I am struggling with it some. A part of me feels the cancer has won a battle. Another part realizes that I continued to work as best as I could while fighting a life threatening disease for almost 3 months. I should be proud of that. I know that as I work this issue out the pride will overcome the loss. Besides, when I have this thing kicked I can always go back out into the job market, right?

I want to thank all the folks at Village Printers for all they have done. My boss Mark worked with me for months to allow me to keep working. My co-workers helped me when I was out ill, helped me when I was at work when I couldn’t do something that I normally could. I love you all and you had better stay in touch!

The Taxatere is better so far. I have the hand/feet neuropathy but have not had the bone and joint pain as bad. So far I only need Tylenol not Vicodin for the pain. Taste buds are back to being all messed up. My taste buds go all crummy every round. After a few days they start to improve. But right now every thing is metallic again.

Last night Craig and I bought a replacement car for him. Its another Ford Taurus, he really loved the one he had, but its a little newer. It’s a 1997. His last one was a 1995. The money we got from our insurance covered almost all of it. My car is still being repaired so we have one good car and the old clunker spare. Can’t wait to get my car back.

I had round 6 on Friday. The doctor was very responsive to my unhappiness with the side effects of the Taxol and changed my chemo to Taxetere (docitaxol). It is in the same family but supossed to be easier with the side effects and it is every three weeks. It certainly took a lot less time for infusion, which screwed up my carefully planned ride home. Taxol took 5 1/2 hours. Taxetere took 2. I was done by 2:30 pm, way too early for my ride. I just ended up taking the Kaiser shuttle to the light rail station and taking light rail to Curtner. By the time I got there Craig was getting there after work and he drove me home. Good timing so no problems.

Anyway, as with the Taxol I had a pretty good Saturday, but since the horrible side effects didn’t start until Sunday, here I sit Sunday morning waiting for the other shoe to drop. Just waiting to see what side effects I will have with this one.

I went to the American Cancer Society last week and finally got a wig. Looking at myself in the mirror was getting harder. The effects of cancer are visible - at least to me. I have lost more weight, my skin looks pale and sunken in, I lean over and walk like an old lady because of the pain and neuropathy in my feet, and with the beanie caps its easy to tell that I have no hair. Even though the wig is hot and a bit itchy it makes me look less sick and that is a bonus. I won’t need it around the house or at Kaiser, but if I get out of the house at all don’t be too surprised if you see a mop of hair on me. They didn’t have my hair color except as short and very curly - it was too much little Orphan Annie like - so I have one that is light brown, kinda short but looks cute on me. Maybe I will take a digital picture of me with the wig so my long distance friends can see me.

from Shauna

I have heaven in a small place. My place. Because of the amazing efforts of some dear friends my house is clean. Really clean. For the first time since November 4, 2005, the date I started chemo. It took 6 people several hours to clean my home on Sunday. They scrubbed, dusted, vacummed, washed windows, did yardwork, even finished chopping some firewood! Some of my work friends got to meet some of my hockey friends. My family pitched in - thanks Sis! The girls straightened their own rooms and Tricia was a big help whenever someone needed to know where something was or goes. We had a great lunch thanks to Linda. I spent most of the time on the sofa watching this little miracle unfold. Thank you Amy for organizing this. My love and gratitude goes out to all the workers- Mark, Hunter, Cheryl, Linda, Amy and Alana.

From Shauna
I got my money back from Washington Mutual today. All the money stolen plus all the overdraft fees. Yea!

Today I started putting some more stuff up on Craigslist. I am been fortunate in the things I have found on Craigslist. Its time for a little ‘Pay it Forward’. Most of the stuff is free or on trade for soda and chips. I remember the car stereo we got in exchange for a double batch of my husbands home made chocolate chip cookies. Installed! The drapes in our living room are from Craigslist, as is the laptop I am writing on. The drapes were free, the laptop only a few hundred dollars.

I debate about what to get rid of. Your priorities change when cancer calls. I don’t want to get rid of stuff that I will enjoy while I am here and fighting yet there are things I don’t want Craig to have to deal with later. These are all things that I or everyone would have had to deal with, just not at 44. So I found a new home for my Brent Jones autographed helmet but am still keeping my Joe Montana autographed football. I will be looking for new homes for my game used Shark Jerseys - anyone interested feel free to email direct for a list - but for now I want to keep the ticket stubs from the NHL All-Star game and the World Series game at PacBell Park. But these things take time and energy too, and I have only so much. So even the simplifying of my life is going slow .

Stephanie here:
Just had a long conversation with Shauna to get an update on what’s going on with her. I admit to being incognito for a while, lots going on in my own life that needs processing and taking care of.

Anyway, Shauna says her hands and feet feel like they are constantly “asleep” with the associated burning and tingling but add to that the feeling of walking on fire. She is losing feeling in the tips of her fingers and can’t tell what her grip is like anymore. She did try to get dressed and go to work today but it took her 2 hours to get dressed and it just wore her out so after talking to Mark, she got undressed and went back to sleep.

This set of drugs sounds worse than the last set. I have faith the Shauna will come through with all the grace and aplomb she has.